Raising Children in the Age of Fulfillment
Live from the Mecca of Mormonism
Salt Lake City, Utah
This is HOTM
Where together we are learning how to live in the Age of Christian Fulfillment.
And I’m your host Shawn McCraney.
Show 12A – Baby in Da House
Taped Tuesday March 9th
Aired Monday March 15th 8PM
So our Christian couple is married and faced all sorts of things thus far – Marital Questions, Sexual questions, Birth Control questions, Questions on abortion, Adoption, Adultery, Divorce…
And now they, having gotten pregnant, their bundle of joy has come forth into the world. He could have been named Josiahkim or she could be named Ruth OR Bob or Bonnie. Parents, with any sort of reason and love, and in the absence of mental illness or drug addiction, adore and care about their newborn – whether they are Christians or not. Babies are just a wonderful gift to a couple. And tonight I want to talk about something really important relative to the parents and their newborn who will soon be a toddler, then a child, then a pre-teen, and then a teenager.
And what I want to speak to you all about comes from years of observation, years of parenting three daughters myself, and a lifetime of religious allegiance and adherences. When it comes to religious beliefs and teachings, parents who take such seriously are typically very intent to take their bundles of joy and to get them, train them, teach them, to follow their faith of the couple who produced it. Muslims typically want their babies and children to be Muslims, Buddhists Buddhists, Hindus Hindus and on and on and on. Sometimes couples without a religion will adopt one when their child is born and sometimes couples without religious beliefs will try and pass that down to their children as well.
Teachings from the Old Testament
In the Old Testament, which was written to the Jews, and which many Christians will borrow their ideas of raising up a child, we read a number of things about children and the raising of them. First we know that having children was extremely important to Hebrew women then. And then we are told as early as in Genesis 17:10 that “Every man child among them must be circumcised on the eighth day.” We know from Leviticus 12:2 that:
If a woman have conceived seed, and born a man child: then she shall be unclean seven days and that if she bear a maid child, then she shall be unclean two weeks.
Do the names, the circumcision of males or the cleanliness status of the mother depending on the gender of the child still have application? No. No. No more than a man who dies and leaves a childless wife’s brother is to take her as a wife unto himself or that a mother can take a nazarite vow for her child and never let him touch dead things, wine or cut his hair. We are in a different age, right?
Changing Times and Practices
Women breastfed their children in the scripture whenever possible but this does not mean a Christian mother must – though many people extol the virtues of it rabidly. I think it is good, but it is not always possible – and so we live our lives best we can.
In 2nd Samuel 12:15 we read about YHWH striking the child that Uriah's wife bare to David with a grave illness and on the seventh day it died. Does this curse implicit through the prophet Nathan have application today when infants die? I don’t think so. Very evil people have healthy children today and very righteous people lose their babes all the time. Gotta get beyond these things folks. We live in an age of fulfillment and so many of the things the Jews did relative to children is not only not necessary, some of it can be actually damaging – which we will get to momentarily.
Proverbs 22:15 Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.
Proverbs 23:13 Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die.
We notice a shift occur in the New Testament – all though it is subtle – it's there. I see none of the ways prescribed in the Old Testament about beating a child with the rod, but instead see admonitions couched in the fruit of the Spirit being prescribed as Paul says:
Ephesians 6:4 And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
Colossians 3:21 Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they
Raising Children in Faith
Be discouraged. Since the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, and faith, I see the raising of children in the faith being a very different thing than what some more hands-on teachings suggest. Even when we remember that the Old Testament was written to Jews, we can see that the advice given in Proverbs 22:6 must be read contextually. It says:
“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”
This is a truism and has nothing to do with right and wrong. If a child is trained up by his godless humanist parents the way he should go when he is old, there is a great likelihood he will not depart from such ways. I understand the value of that passage but as Christians, it MUST be taken into consideration with the call that we do all things by the Spirit of the Law and not the letter.
Combining Biblical Teachings
I would mash these two passages: Train up a child by the fruit of the Spirit and when she is old she will not depart from it. Why do I take such liberties? Anyone can train up a child the way that they should go – militia men, communists, racists – and often they will not depart from such teachings. But Christian parents want their children to be trained up to choose Christianity, and this requires something much much better than sheer training. It requires the fruit of the Spirit amidst every step of training.
I have lived long enough to see the fallout from parents that have chosen to take the Old Testament approach to raising up their children, you know, with the rod, and training, and scripture reading and memorization, and Christian preschools and grade schools and junior and senior high schools and the fallout (meaning the reverse of what their good and devoted parents sought) is frequently the result. This tells me that the training employed when the child was young was errant, and therefore the child when he was old, never departed from the errors.
As a result, I suggest we have to rethink what it really means to train up a child in this day and age and there are a lot of factors parents must consider that were not NOT NOT part of the conversation when the Nation of Israel was nomadically roaming around in the desert and becoming a people.
A New Approach to Christian Parenting
With a heavy heart and tremendous sorrow for the dozens and dozens of well-meaning parents I have seen, on both the LDS side and on the Christian side, their attempts to raise up their children with the strongarm of religion and religious appeal has not been an indictment on their children (in terms of rebellion) but on their choice to not spare the rod – but to inflict upon their children’s minds – often from a very early age, what they are supposed to believe about nearly everything under the sun.
Even if we weren’t in the age of fulfillment, when it comes to this topic I strongly suggest to Christian parents a VERY different approach to teaching their children about Jesus and His grace. But because we are in the age where the world has been reconciled to God, and where religious affiliation is not that pressing, and where God writes His laws upon the hearts and minds of those who are His, I ardently suggest a different approach to them than what the Old Testament narrative suggests. What does this look like? It looks exactly like how God treats, and has treated you.
It looks like the living embodiment of the FRUIT of the Spirit which is surrounding that baby, that toddler, that child, that teen in love, joy, peace, longsuffering, patience, kindness, truth, righteousness, and mercy. I speak to this from first-hand experience, that when I was most controlling religiously, most demanding, most dogmatic with my oldest daughter Mallory, we saw the greatest amount of struggle for her in her life. And feel such remorse for this as I did not spare the rod and ruled over her little life with far more discipline than the two who followed.
I learned firsthand the error of my ways in and through her, and with the help of the Lord and Mary was able to change course with her, and replace demands and dogma and discipline with His love – which in the end brought her to Him – all praise and glory to the
Raising Children with Purpose
If I were to be raising children today, knowing what I know and knowing what I have seen, I would leave the starting gates at the place where we stopped with Cassidy and Delaney – but even more so. You see, our children are not Christians when they are born. They are in need of rebirth just like we do and did. And so I would never teach them directly about Jesus – not in their early years and not unless asked.
Oh, don’t get me wrong, they would see me pray, and they would see me in the word, and they would hopefully see Him in me by His love, but I would do all I could to get them curious about what guides me as a man, husband, and father. Why am I spending time with them? Why am I attending all of their recitals, and practices, and games and matches? “Because I love you,” would come the answer.
Teaching Through Stories
In the meanwhile, I would tell them – teach them biblical stories that embody a modern application. And I would do this from their youngest age until they would not want them anymore. I would do this at night, in what I call the twilight hours when they are dozing off to sleep. I would plant stories of forgiveness, longsuffering, gentleness, kindness into their hearts. I would tell them fictional tales of a town that was invaded by marauders and about the King's Son, a loving prince, who gave his life for the well-being of the Kingdom.
When they were old enough and interested, I would introduce them to the idea of a loving God. And I would begin to expose them to every kind of religious appeal to that God I could find: Islam, Hinduism, Bad Christianity and Good, Atheism, Catholicism. Every rite, every different ritual over the course of every week of their young lives. And then every night at the dinner table (which is a vital place – eating together – for families and children) and every night at bedtime, we would casually review our thoughts.
Encouraging Open Discussion
I would openly let the rebellious ones speak rebelliously. I would let the pious ones speak piously. I would encourage their minds to wander, question, test all things, and hold fast to what is good – what is loving, forgiving, kind, generous, not of this world, but honoring the gifts they were given. With my wife, I would refuse to major in the minors of life. I would not beat them up with things like what they are eating, what they want to wear, or what time they go to bed.
But I would pick a few – just a few hills to die on, and never give an inch of ground on those hills no matter how much the children protest. Oh, and as children, we would talk about everything – openly and never with condemnation. We would watch films together and read good books together, and we would passively watch the world around us. I would help them pursue their interests in life – whatever they would be – the whole time, with God’s help, being Jesus to them – as He was Jesus to us.
As they got older, I would ask them about their friends and what they were all about. I would not speak evil of their friends but I would know their friends by name, invite them to our house, and drive them or pick them up when they had somewhere to go. I would not forbid them from having friends who were a bad influence, but would talk openly with them about that influence and talk to the friend too. I would encourage them to play and have fun, I would discourage them from fretting too awfully much about school, and I would teach them that learning is far more important than grades.
When they started asking me real questions about my faith, I would introduce to them Jesus the Christ, born of a woman, born under the law, the Word of God made flesh. I would within reason and attention span tell them all about him, including His death and resurrection but I would not admit to them that I believe in Him or place my faith in Him. I would just tell them the story and facts about His life and person. And when the time comes, because we talk so much together about everything, whether it’s when they are six years old or 19…
Belief in Jesus
Ultimately, if asked, "Do you believe in Jesus?" I would open up my heart, and with all the heartfelt passion I could muster, I would say: “Oh, yes. Yes. With all of my heart.” And at that moment my child would make a connection to me and my life as a man and husband and a father to them to Jesus. And I would let them know that everyone has to choose to receive Jesus into their lives – that some don’t, and some won't, but that the invitation is there for all.
Embracing Faith
And I would wait until they wanted to receive Jesus – whenever and wherever that might happen. And I would continue to pray that they would recognize the need for Him and that God would open their heart to that recognition. I would do all of this because I have seen that this is the way to effectively reach our children with Him. It is not through religion, or dogma, or demands – it is through love.
Future Reflections
In the coming months we will revisit our fictional couple's child or children – they are going to grow up and make some mistakes, and we will talk about how Christians ought to approach such in this age, but for now, this is what I would suggest to every new parent who wants to help bring the Lord into their lives. Write your comments below and we will cover them tomorrow night HERE on Heart of the Matter.
