The Mongoose On The Loose: Let's Talk About Sex

Introduction to the Discussion

Today's topic is one that is often met with awkwardness and hesitation, particularly when discussed among those with differing views: sex. As we dive into talking about "the birds and the bees," we'll explore perspectives shared by three men who have attempted this discussion before, often with disastrous turns. Let’s see how this conversation unfolds this time.

The Inevitability of Sexuality

Sexual activity encompasses much more than just the act itself. It involves the inherent attraction that exists between people, regardless of gender. From a very young age, such as in kindergarten, we can observe burgeoning sexuality. Although it may not be "sexual" in the adult sense, there’s an undeniable chemical aspect at play, sparking attraction and shaping our likes and dislikes.

Adolescence and Sexual Awareness

As we grow, hitting puberty brings an array of hormonal changes—testosterone and estrogen—that influence our sexual awareness and desires. This transition, often occurring around the age of twelve, ventures us into a territory where feelings of attraction intensify, leading many to question why such development occurs so early. Is it by divine design or an outcome of evolution? This remains a compelling point of debate. Some argue it's an evolutionary process designed to ensure procreation, while others perceive it as the result of the fall, introducing "unnatural" sexual behaviors outside of what is biblically intended.

Biblical Perspectives on Sexuality

Within biblical terms, sex is intended to be between a male and a female within the confines of marriage, creating a loving bond. Yet, as evidenced by situations like that of Sherry Ross—a young girl who developed early and became the unfortunate focus of misguided attention—the realities of life's experiences often complicate this ideal. This highlights the complex quagmire of sexual morals and ethics, particularly from a Christian standpoint.

Challenges of Managing Desire

The challenge, especially for Christians, lies in resisting temptation and managing sexual desires, particularly outside of marriage. Surrendering to these desires can lead to a host of complications and problems. The key is to work through these urges with a sense of discipline and commitment to one's values.

Addressing Self-Gratification

Before delving into the dynamics of marital relationships, we must touch on a topic often left in the shadows—masturbation. This natural act is commonly met with stigma and confusion, yet it is a significant part of the discussion on human sexuality. Understanding and addressing these facets are essential in navigating the broader topic of sexual engagement.

In conclusion, the discussion on sex and sexuality, particularly from a Christian perspective, is riddled with complexity and personal interpretation. It challenges individuals to balance their natural desires with their spiritual beliefs, encouraging an ongoing dialogue and self-reflection.

Understanding Adolescent Experiences

Growing up involves navigating a range of experiences, some more confusing than others. Both boys and girls encounter certain changes as they transition from childhood to adolescence that can be perplexing. It’s a time when new emotions and sensations may arise without a lot of discussion or guidance offered by adults.

The Onset of Change

As boys reach the age of 12, they often experience profound changes, both physically and emotionally. Suddenly, there’s a newfound sensation that can feel overwhelming. Many describe it as an experience where it seems like their "brains just came out in the lower part of their body." This sensation is often unexpected, and without prior education or discussion, boys might find it both fascinating and embarrassing.

Dealing with Masturbation

This topic can often be referred to as the "plague of the human race," bringing up deep questions about whether it's okay or not. People have different perspectives on this, often influenced by cultural and religious contexts. It raises questions about whether such actions are considered a normal part of development or something that should be controlled.

Control vs. Guidance

There are adults who handle temptations in varied ways. Some might view masturbation as a way to remain faithful to their partners, using it as a form of self-control. However, this begs the question of whether it's genuinely controlling desires or just responding to fleshly impulses. It's a complex interplay of personal beliefs, ethics, and biology, where opinions on what constitutes a "cheat" differ widely.

The Influence of Lust

An important aspect to consider is the role of lust. It's often said that masturbation requires lust, which is seen as problematic from a moral standpoint by some. Whether lust is the cause or the result of masturbation is up for debate, as both feelings and thoughts can occur simultaneously. This complexity makes understanding God’s perspective on lust and love relevant to many people.

Conversations About Masturbation in Religious Contexts

Within religious contexts, particularly Christianity, masturbation is often navigated through a framework of rules and expectations. This can lead to an unhealthy relationship with one’s own body, where suppression of desires may result in shame. Creating an environment where open communication is possible breaks down these barriers.

Open Discussions

Engaging in honest conversations without judgment can alleviate the associated shame. For example, when a 13-year-old boy approaches an adult to talk about masturbation, the adult’s response should aim to remove embarrassment and navigate the topic candidly. It’s about understanding that these changes are a part of growing up, and providing guidance without casting blame or shame.

A Balanced Approach

A balanced approach involves acknowledging these natural feelings and discussing them openly. The challenge is to reframe the conversation from one driven by rules and shame to one led by understanding and guidance. It’s about finding an equilibrium between maintaining moral ideals and understanding human nature better.

The overarching message is that everyone experiences these changes, and talking about them openly and honestly is an essential step in removing the stigma commonly associated with them.

Navigating Vulnerability and Honesty

In moments of vulnerability, it can be difficult to find the right words. Imagine being in a situation where the person you're reaching out to is unsure or embarrassed themselves. It raises the question: how can they help you figure out your own concerns if they're uncomfortable discussing them?

Removing the Mystery

At times like these, it's crucial to remove the mystery and chaos surrounding sensitive topics. Offer clear explanations and approach conversations with love rather than condemnation. As Christians, we sometimes tend to be judgmental, which only exacerbates the issue by causing embarrassment and isolating people from addressing their problems. The solution lies in providing knowledge and reasonable arguments.

Choosing Love Over Impulse

As Christians striving to resist temptations, it's about more than just avoiding anger or the urge to act on physiological impulses like masturbation. This particular struggle, driven by hormonal changes, can be particularly challenging. However, by consistently choosing love and prioritizing God over immediate fleshly desires, we can navigate these challenges. The focus should not be on past failures but on understanding why it might be beneficial not to act on certain impulses.

Open Communication and Honesty

Addressing temptations involves open communication and honesty. It's essential to eliminate shame and guilt, both of which are pervasive. To combat this, we must acknowledge that these desires are natural. Studies suggest that a vast majority of individuals experience these feelings, and the one person who claims they don't might not be entirely truthful.

It's necessary to explain the involvement of biological and hormonal factors, particularly in how males perceive the world differently than females. Comedian Chris D'Elia humorously points out the disparity in sexual desire between genders, highlighting the inherent biological differences. This understanding doesn't negate women's desires but emphasizes that experiences can differ due to biological factors.

Understanding Biological Differences

I spoke to a young individual about these differences, emphasizing that both males and females experience these feelings. I posed this question to them: imagine if you had a beloved mongoose. What would that relationship mean to you?

Controlling the Mongoose

At certain times in your life, embracing your inner mongoose might seem beneficial. However, if you bring that mongoose to school, it will run wild, and you’ll need to control it. It’s the same if you take it to a movie; you'll spend your time managing the mongoose rather than enjoying the film. Everywhere you go, if left unchecked, the mongoose will cause chaos. Would you like the mongoose then? No. Therefore, it's crucial to learn how to control the mongoose.

Understanding the Mongoose

If the mongoose needs to be fed, then you have to feed it—just accept it. That's not you; it's your flesh, but keep that thing caged. Remember, mongooses hate yellow light, so don’t expose them to it. Whenever it sees yellow light, it will go berserk. Keep the mongoose—metaphorically referring to pornography—away from yellow light.

Six months later, we saw someone who had taken this advice and he was totally okay. It's about having the power to control your life rather than letting it control you. Without this control, you might find yourself lying in bed all day, trapped in your thoughts, which has become a common problem, especially during the COVID pandemic.

The Mongoose and Predation

Interestingly, mongooses are predators of cobras and snakes; they can take out snakes like the black mamba with ease. I find it funny because mongooses are our only friends when dealing with such threats. Or perhaps it’s monkeys? But I think it’s mongooses.

On Sexual Activity

Now, let’s discuss sex itself. We've touched upon masturbation, and despite being Christians who love the Lord, we acknowledge that it happens. It's our flesh, not what's within us. So, what about engaging with others in sexual activity?

Understanding and Defining Sex

Is kissing considered sex? I’d say no, or else I’d have had sex already. Is it sex to remove clothing and touch each other? Now you’re diving into specifics. Mormons, for example, might have different interpretations of what's permissible, and even Christians have their boundaries, albeit not as extreme.

Sex is specific; it involves stimulating another body with your body. Some might argue whether acts such as lap dances constitute sex. The line must be drawn somewhere. When we discuss sex, we must define it as stimulating reproductive organs purposefully and physically.

Sex and Sin

The main question is: where's the danger in engaging in such acts if no children result? Does God become angry if you stimulate another person's body without intercourse? In essence, does God take offense at actions that do not lead to procreation?

It's important to note that God doesn’t get mad at people anymore.

Navigating Intimacy and Relationships: Insights from a Discussion

The Complexity of Relationships Outside Marriage

In a recent conversation, I was tricked by Sean into contemplating some challenging questions. We discussed whether Christ is disappointed when someone, as his child, engages in intimate acts with another person without the commitment of marriage. Initially, I thought the Bible emphasizes that intimacy belongs within marriage, but circumstances can complicate the ideal scenario.

The Consequences of Casual Intimacy

The destructive elements in intimate relationships outside of marriage stem from a lack of lasting pair bonding. Engaging with multiple partners can diminish the depth of emotional connection. It's more detrimental to women who often view sex as a significant emotional act. Some may deny this, but it seems evident that women suffer more emotionally from casual encounters because they open their hearts for intimacy.

Emotional Exchange in Gender Dynamics

In the discussion, my friend Kyle, co-owner of a vape shop, and I reflected on how men and women reciprocate emotions and physical needs differently. Men might feign emotional availability to have sex, while women might engage in sex to cultivate emotional intimacy. This exchange reveals fundamental differences in how each gender approaches intimacy.

How Modern Views Clash with Traditional Norms

These dynamics prevail even as modern, progressive views challenge traditional gender norms. People might try unconventional approaches, but they often find themselves facing the unintended consequences of these choices. A compelling book, "Return to Modesty" by author Sheldon, echoes this sentiment. Sheldon surveyed women through magazines like Cosmo and Vogue, revealing many regretted not waiting for the right time and person in their sexual experiences.

The Christian Perspective on Self-Control

In light of this, as Christians, isn't there value in practicing self-control and not being selfish with our desires? Christianity isn't just about rules; it's about making choices that prevent harm and foster love. Many argue that Christian teachings discourage actions that could lead to personal or relational destruction. It's a perspective built on rational choices to avoid negative outcomes.

The Challenge of Personal Intimacy

Applying this same logic to personal acts like masturbation, we can see how engaging in such behavior can lead to self-destructive tendencies. When one turns to themselves for fulfillment, it can harm one's self-relationship. This is something we teach, emphasizing that God wants us to avoid hurting ourselves.

This discussion opens a broader conversation about love, intimacy, and self-control. It challenges us to reflect on the choices we make in our intimate lives and consider the broader consequences of those actions.

Understanding the True Nature of Marriage

A Radical Perspective

The concept of marriage often sparks debate, especially when the definition is seen as radical by many. We've heard it before: marriage isn't just a piece of paper signed by a pastor. It’s fundamentally about the sexual relationship between a male and a female, and their union in God's eyes. God does not hate that union; he despises the tearing apart of it.

The Damage of Separation

When you're having sex with multiple partners, you're experiencing and causing multiple separations, which lead to destruction. Although I haven’t done detailed studies in the Bible on marriage, the idea resonates with me. The legal papers and government recognition of marriage often seem irrelevant in understanding the core of a marriage.

Intimacy Beyond Legalities

Is there a point in a relationship where, despite not being officially married, long-term intimacy allows them to be together without it being a sinMissing the mark of faith and love—no punishment, just lost growth or peace.? If you love someone and remain loyal to them, then why is it considered wrong? In many ways, that loyalty and commitment define their marriage.

However, this perspective raises concerns. Some argue against teaching this idea to younger individuals—they might claim to be in love, consummate the relationship, but then split up due to immaturity. Loyalty is the key, and without it, the legal paper is meaningless.

Studies and Findings

Research indicates that individuals with a single sexual partner before marriage are more likely to remain married and avoid divorce. This wisdom isn’t limited to Christian teachings but is observed generally. It's important to remember that everyone grapples with these issues, and it’s a human problem God understands. The issue arises from what we do with these challenges.

Addressing the Human Experience

Focusing too much on these problems can lead to unhealthy relationships, especially among young people who become anxious and confused. This disconnect mirrors other dilemmas we face in life.

What's Next?

As we wrap up the conversation, let's direct our attention to the upcoming topic for next week: the creation story. We've touched on it briefly, but we’ll delve deeper next time. We hope to see you here for another enlightening discussion on Cat Out.