Faith without religion.
1 Peter 3: Submission, Trust, Marital Dynamics
In a recent teaching session, we delved into the profound messages found in 1 Peter 3, exploring the themes of submission, trust, and the dynamics of marital relationships. The discussion began with a reflection on 1 Peter 2, where Peter instructs believers to be subject to kings and governors, and extends this principle to house servants, urging them to submit to their masters, even when they are unjust. This call to submission is rooted in the example of Jesus Christ, who, despite being sinless, endured suffering and trusted in God’s ultimate justice.
As we transitioned into 1 Peter 3, the focus shifted to the relationship between husbands and wives. Peter advises wives to be in subjection to their husbands, particularly those who do not believe, suggesting that their conduct could win over their husbands without words. This submission is not about inferiority but about embodying a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in God’s sight. The teaching emphasized that this principle of submission is not isolated to women but is a broader biblical theme, with Christ himself exemplifying submission to God the Father.
For husbands, Peter’s message is clear: dwell with your wives with understanding, honor them as the weaker vessel, and recognize them as co-heirs of the grace of life. This mutual respect and love are crucial for a harmonious relationship and ensure that prayers are not hindered.
The teaching concluded with a reminder that these principles, though challenging, are designed to reflect Christ’s love and bring about God’s will on earth. By embracing these roles, believers can navigate the complexities of relationships with grace and faith, trusting in God’s ultimate plan for justice and reconciliation.
Teaching Script:
Welcome
Prayer
Sing Word
Silence
When we come back, we’re gonna start in on what we call 1st Peter chapter 3.
Alright, in chapter 2 Peter instructed his reader to be subject to kings and governors.
Then he said that house servants ought to be subject to their “despotace’s” – especially when they are bent or evil.
His rationale is, as an eye-witness to the Lord, that “this is how Jesus Christ did it, and he had no sin, and deserved no ill-treatment, and yet He bore the ill-treatment He received completely, trusting that the God would recompense.
It really is a matter of trust and faith in God isn’t it, when we, as believers are mistreated. Do we believe that God will make all things right and will we wait on Him to do it?
Not saying it’s easy by any means – but this is the heart of the issue – do we as believers honestly believe it is important to follow Jesus in these ways, and then hand and hand do we believe that God will handle all injustices in the end?
If so – truly – we will have a much easier time following these directives than if we only try or hope to.
Peter begins chapter three referring to the content of chapter two, saying:
1st Peter 3.7
September 13th 2015
1st Peter 3:1 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;
2 While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.
3 Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel;
4 But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.
5 For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands:
6 Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.
7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.
Okay, whether you are male or female believers, Peter has said, “be subject to Kings and Governors.”
And whether you are male or female house servants, Peter has said submit to the master of the house for whom you labor.
Then in verse 1 he adds:
1st Peter 3:1 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;
Likewise, or in the same way, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands.
The word used for subjection – the same as used in chapter 2 – huppotasso – literally, be “under” (huppo) “orders” (tasso) of them.
Now, in this day and age this advice is, to many, antiquated and culturally dated.
But let’s take a minute and examine the purpose and context of these instructions before we jump on the bandwagon of such thought.
First and foremost, in Christ there is no difference between male and female, bond and free, rich or poor.
So when Peter tells us to be huppotasso to kings and governors it is not to say that kings are of more value and we are of less value in God’s eyes – it is simply saying that to accomplish the will of God on earth and bring about the MOST good in and through the example of His Son, believers are to submit.
Similarly, when we huppotasso to an evil master, who abuses us and uses us and even pummels us (using the language Peter used) it’s NOT that the master of the house has the right or is superior in any way to those of us who submit to him. The fact of the matter is BY AND THROUGH our attitudes we help accomplish God’s will.
So now we come to marriage – and specifically the way the relationship ought to work based on what God says.
Now, in this context, Peter’s instructions seem to be aimed at wives whose husbands are not believers.
This has to be acknowledged because this is the justification for Peter instructing them in this way here.
But before we talk about this specific situation we might as well discuss what other passages say about wives and their relationship to their husbands – and vice versa.
This vice versa, by the way – the instructions for the way husbands are to treat wives is also included here (and in other places) so this cannot be ignored.
In other words in the New Testament we don’t have instructions just for the submissive wife but also for the loving husband. These go hand in hand and are not a one way street applying only to one or the other.
Okay, let’ go to the beginning.
Adam and Eve – called the singular Adam by God proving they were one and prior to the Fall without division or hierarchy – those differences are alluded to in that Adam the Man called Eve woman because she came out of Man.
Nevertheless, prior to the fall it appears that there was equanimity between them and equal rights to dominion. Why wouldn’t there be – they were one of the same flesh.
Anyway, it seems that as a result of the Fall that things would change.
Genesis 3:16 says:
Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.
The Revised says it this way:
“I will greatly multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children, yet your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.”
ONE – God would greatly multiply her sorrow in childbearing AND
(In sorrow she would bring forth children), AND
TWO – her desire would be to her husband AND
THREE – he shall rule over her.
The Hebrew word translated to “desire” as in “her desire would be to her husband,” means “to reach out toward,” and the meaning is part of her curse would be “she will long for her husband.”
Now, I am only speaking from experience, both my own through engagements with girls since I was but a very young person and as a husband and of three daughters AND having counseled many young women, but I want to attest to the fact that this element of the curse is absolutely accurate.
Quite frankly, I think women hate the fact that they in fact do long for their husbands the way they do – and in many ways they would love to be emancipated from him – especially when we are idiots – but God spoke and from what I’ve seen it’s pretty darn accurate.
Now, notice that God says that her desire would be to “her husband.” Who is a woman’s husband? Is her desire and longing for the man she experiences a wedding with? It depends. If the man she is having a wedding with is the first and only man she has loved from the heart and given herself (or will give herself) to then – yes – the curse will apply to them.
But if a woman has given her heart and subsequently her body to another that is her husband, and from my experience it takes a lot – and I frankly don’t know if its possible – for her to break the longing she has for him.
Don’t get me wrong. If a female is abused or raped or is messed up and has a sordid past that did not include her heart of hearts toward another the bond or allegiance of longing do NOT seem to exist.
But whether a ceremony was held or not, a woman’s husband is the first man who she has loved with her whole heart and given herself to physically.
Can she later have longing and allegiance for another? She can. But unless the first husband was really a very bad person the longing seems to remain – to some extent or another.
For this reason God warns that we put our Laws in our hearts, and guard our hearts – to not our women folk often subject themselves to a LOT of pain.
I can’t tell you how many women I have known and counseled who, having come under the control of a husband (in the literal sense not just the legal sense) cannot part ways with him – and hate themselves for it.
The other part of the curse is the line, “and he shall rule over you.”
The word rule in the Hebrew means dominion, power.
The BBE translates Genesis 3:16 as:
“And he shall be your master.”
The idea really says something to the effect that “He will control her.” And it is really a really troubling concept to the world. Remember, we have NOT yet discussed the curse upon man nor the biblical expectations on him AS A husband.
So hang with me. As the Federal Head of all womanhood, we read what drove Eve to eat of the tree as an autonomous and equal partner in the Garden. Genesis 3:6 says:
“And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat.
I would suggest that what drove Eve to disobey God was
Her own desires (it was good for food)
The lust of her eyes (it was pleasant to the eyes)
And her pride (and it would make one wise)
And she fulfilled the words of John who a couple thousand years later wrote in 1st John 2:16
“For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world.”
Having put herself first over the directions of God, and appealing to her own needs, wants and pride, she was now, by nature, cursed with being subject to another.
Notice God said, “your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.”
Now, I am of the opinion that this can be read in two ways and both are correct.
One way is that it is descriptive and another way is prescriptive. In other words God is both telling Eve that her husband will rule over her and he is describing what will naturally occur.
In other words the whole female gender, which by creation was equal with the male, is, by sin, both designed to be submissive and subject to another and is additionally commanded (you shall) to submit.
Now, again – this is a two way street, because in the Lord her husband to whom she is subservient is to LOVE her.
But we are still talking about her and not him, so let’s continue.
Part – again, part – of the problem that comes in marriage is when a wife attempts to resume the place she had prior to the Fall and prior to the curse placed upon her.
In worldly marriages, when a wife refuses to be subject to her husband (which is often the result of her husband refusing to love her) but if she refuses to submit to his federal headship in the relationship, great difficulties can arise.
In counseling couples – which I refuse to do IF they do not agree with the authority of scripture – but if they do agree, then in counseling couples there is an available template right here that will solve many of the problems that result from failure in these two areas –
Husbands –love your wives (with love being in the truest sense) and Wives respect / be subject to your husband.
This does not mean domination. This does not mean autocracy. It does not mean everything is not discussed and even debated.
But in the end, once all of this has taken place, husbands love your wives and wives subject themselves to His place as lead in your marriage.
Now, there are several biblical principles here that cannot be lost.
First, we look back at chapter 2. As I said, Peter first told all of us to be subject to Governors and Kings. The purpose? In so doing God is glorified. Then He told us that if we are servants (male or female) in a house that we are to subject ourselves to the master of the house. Again, why? That God may be gloried by our manner toward them.
And now he has opened up and said in the first line of verse one:
“Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands –
Again, he has a purpose for saying this in the context of this verse adding . . .
“that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the life of the wives.”
The purpose Peter brings this up here is the same reason purpose he instructs us to obey Kings and Rulers and Managers and Masters of the house – it gives a good witness – in this case, “to husbands who will not obey the word,” that “without the Word they may be WON by the life (attitude, actions, behaviors) of the wife.”
And again, we’ll talk more about this in a minute. But the principle remains – wives are to submit to husbands.
I would strongly suggest that while the actual act is really tough to do – especially when the men wives chose to be their husbands are idiots – it is equally difficult to submit to idiot kings or wicked masters for whom we work.
But the principles remain the same – submission.
But it does – it can – I think it actually will, because it is kind and submissive and humble and like Christ – it will invoke change in a marriage when difficulties are present.
The same way our subservient attitudes toward bad masters is commanded to bring them to an understanding of who He is.
Before I leave this general subject of wives submitting to husbands, I think that women would actually have a legitimate complaint against this command if – IF – the principle of submission did not exist anywhere else in scripture.
This fact is often forgotten or ignored.
Let me quickly point the fact that the ONLY one in the universe who does NOT have to submit to another is God – and when I say God, I am not including the Son of Man Jesus Christ – He too had to submit.
Now, like a husband and wife are one, Jesus said, speaking of Himself and the Father, that they are one. But having condescended below all things and assuming the flesh of Man, Jesus became a servant, and became subservient to the Law, the prophets, and the Father.
In John 14:28 Jesus says:
“Ye have heard how I said unto you, I go away, and come again unto you. If ye loved me, ye would rejoice, because I said, I go unto the Father: for my Father is greater than I.
Having assumed this position, Jesus then submitted entirely to will of the Father.
Relative to her relationship to her husband every woman assumes the same role and disposition toward her husband as Christ took toward the Father.
Philippians 2:5-7, speaking of Jesus, says:
“Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus: who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God: but made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men.”
Taking this passage and the principles in it, I would suggest that we could also read application of it to every believing married woman, saying:
“Let this mind be in you, wives, which was also in Christ Jesus: who, being in the form of God, (like you are in the form of man having come from his side), thought it not robbery to be equal with God (just as it is not robbery to think of yourselve equal to man): but He made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant . . .”
So in assuming this role it is not only for a good witness, and it is not only the curse passed down upon all women due to the actions of Eve, it is consistent with the model all of us have to embrace – even Christ.
Jesus submits to God.
Men (husbands) to submit to? Jesus.
Women submit to their husbands
And children submit to parents.
1st Corinthians 11:3 says:
“But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.
Again, 1st Corinthians 3:23 says: “And ye are Christ’s; and Christ is God’s.”
Paul adds in Ephesians 5:23 “For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the Savior of the body.
There is purpose in all of this and it requires submission to our Masters as a means to serve God in His desires.
It’s the structure by which militaries and corporations and others succeed. Think of it this way:
A country is in chaos and needs to be saved. There is only one commander in chief. Everyone and everything is answerable to him.
But he has generals who are directly responsible to Him.
And they have majors who are directly responsible to them.
And they have corporals who are directly submissive to them.
By people accepting these roles the Commander and Chief is able to get his will accomplished.
Now we know from scripture that Jesus has had all things placed in His hands once He overcame sin and death.
Right?
Now listen to 1st Corinthians 15:28. Speaking of God Paul wrote
“And when all things shall be subdued unto him, then shall the Son also himself be subject unto him that put all things under him, that God may be all in all.”
So, getting back to verse 1, Peter has said:
“Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;
2 While they (the husbands) behold your chaste live coupled with fear.
And then Peter hits on some specifics regarding wives and says:
3 Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel;
4 But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.
A more literal translation says
“Let your beauty be not just the outward adorning of braiding the hair, and of wearing jewels of gold, or of putting on fine clothing;
but in the hidden person of the heart, in the incorruptible adornment of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God very precious.”
I have to admit that at this point I think Peter is speaking of principles rather than specifics.
If he was specifically speaking of women not braiding their hair or wearing gold Jewelry or putting on nice clothes there are work-arounds that would still defy the jest of the message.
In other words, wives could avoid these specifics but instead of braiding their hair they would crimp it, and while they may never wear gold jewelry they might then wear platinum. And if not fine clothing how about suggestive apparel they buy at Savers.
In other words the meaning Peter is getting at is wives ought to avoid relying solely on their outward beauty in exchange of beauty that resides in the heart – which is the most valuable.
This inner beauty is described by Peter as
“the incorruptible adornment of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God very precious.”
Because men are required to be subject to Christ I think we have a great model on how not to be through Peter in his relation to Christ.
Always questioning, always correcting, always second guessing. In being this way Peter often met with direct correction from the Lord – he had not learned to fully submit.
In my experience when a wife assumes a similar attitude toward her husband – challenging him, questioning his statements and decisions and ideas, and forever correcting him we have – on this end – the makings of disaster, in large part because of men and their egos.
So after describing women of a gentle and quiet spirit who are in the sight of God “precious,” Peter adds:
5 For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands:
6 Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid or fearful.
6 Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.
That word lord (lower case l) was a common name wives referred to their husbands in antiquity.
And then we read a really tough line. Speaking of Abraham and Sarah calling him lord, Peter adds:
“whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.”
Other translations put this part of the verse this way:
(MKJV) “whose children you became, doing good and fearing no terror.”
(RSV) And you are now her children if you do right and let nothing terrify you.
(WNT) And you have become Sarah’s children if you do what is right and permit nothing whatever to terrify you.
(TCNT) And you are her true children, as long as you live good lives, and let nothing terrify you.
(BBE) whose children you are if you do well, and are not put in fear by any danger.
(DBY) “whose children ye have become, doing good, and not fearing with any kind of consternation.
(MNT) And you are daughters of Sarah, if you do what is right, and permit nothing to make you afraid.
Because the context here is wives who have husbands who are not moved to faith by the Word, the idea seems to be that Peter was saying, “you are daughters of Sarah if you do well (in your marriage – just as he said the same thing of our being seen as Christians by magistrates and kings IF we do well) and the line that speaks of not permitting anything to make them fear Peter is saying,
You are Sarah’s daughters if you do well and don’t allow your unbelieving husband to make you afraid of anything.
Admittedly there are a number of different options and opinions on this but I thing this is the best.
Then after having said all of this Peter adds at verse 7:
7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.
So, having written to wives of unbelieving husbands Peter now speaks to them and says – “Likewise.”
In association with all I have written in chapter 2 and here, Likewise, ye husbands – and he gives five points:
“Dwell with your wives according to knowledge”
“Giving honor unto the wife.”
(as unto the weaker vessel) AND
As being heirs together of the grace of life
That your prayers be not hindered.
Now, after Paul tells wives to submit to their husbands, in Ephesians 5:22 –
“ Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the body.
24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.”
He also adds-
25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:
30 For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.
31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.
32 This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.
I mention this to show that each gender and each part of the couple are under obligation to do certain things.
And here with Peter we have five sundry points. Husbands
“Dwell with your wives according to knowledge”
“Giving honor unto the wife.”
(as unto the weaker vessel) AND
As being heirs together of the grace of life.
That your prayers be not hindered.
First, dwell with your wives according to knowledge.
Consider, ponder, think about the best ways to dwell with your wife. If you know your filthy sock on the floor drive her nuts pick em up. Give some thought to how you live your life with her.
Number 2 – “Giving honor unto the wife.”
Now, in light of many other cultures wives rarely received honor. Respect her, honor her, she is not a slave, and you are not a tastmaster. If a master one that is like unto Christ the master who did nothing but love.
Remember, she has been instructed to reverence and respect and submit to her husbands but they are to honor her, hold her up, love her.
This balancing factor goes a long long way in bringing reason to the wifes command to respect and submit doesn’t it?
How and why are we to honor our wives? Peter says point number three:
“As unto the weaker vessel.”
Weaker not lesser, or inferior or feeble. Often in terms of managing discomfort women outpace men in spades.
The weaker vessel seems to be referring to the general physical strength males have to females. That males are to honor and respect women and to not treat them brutishly – honor her as the weaker vessel.”
If we were transporting one steel and one porcelain box the weaker vessel would require more honor (care, attention) that the steel. Then an interesting line:
“as being heirs together of the grace of life.”
We could make some real assumptions here but bottom line, based on the Greek, what Peter is pointing out, after having called females the weaker vessel, reminds us that she is as much of an heir to the grace of eternal life as any man.
The heirs together does not seem to be speaking of married couples being co-heirs due to their marriage but instead Peter is saying that women have an equal part in salvation (eternal life) as males.
And then some really practical advice to wrap today up –
“That your prayers be not hindered.”
We could suppose that Peter was speaking to the prayer life of a couple or family.
But having been married for more than 31 years I can tell you when things are unwell between the husband and wife things are unright between the husband and God.
Fix the problems at home. Love your wives. Honor her. Serve her as Christ served and loved the church and gave Himself for it, and everything will flow much more freely – including our prayers.
Q and A
